Before I forget...

I keep wanting to write about one of my favourite experience on the training... When the first day we had to introduce ourselves, and a bit later tell us our life-stories, I was telling this and that and how relatively in life I had Chris (34), who is going to school this fall. And then I saw the confusion on the faces, and they started to calculate, and then the confusion got bigger...a bit later at dinner these women kept coming to me, asking just how old I am? I must have saying something wrong, because the dates do not add up...hehehe... It is one of my favourite entertainment, when people think I am about ten or twelve years younger.

The hardest thing was to make an actual plan with definite deadlines... as in what am I going to do in the next week (for example to further my carrier) etc... that was difficult because I still didn't really knew what I wanted to do, or which way I wanted to go... A week ago I had no idea that change can be so close.

Birthday gift???

Sunday it is the birthday of P... so what to get him? A bottle of cheap shampoo (which was his present to me for easter)? Some tea (xmas)? A bottle of cheap wine???
Or I shouldn't let myself lower to his level, and get him some "normal" present?
I was thinking to knit a pair of socks, hoping that the sweater curse might kick in, but I ordered the yarn way too late, so I might have to resort getting him some new age book... how about "the art of letting go"???

Two days later

Yesterday such an anxiety attac hit me, I was about to call and say I do not want the job, I even wanted to leave the bank... don't even ask me why, I have no idea. thankfully we had our knitting meeting, and the girls kept my thoughts off, but when I got home... I was alone as P. took Chris to the lake, and you know when those evil thoughts come...
thankfully I was rather busy today, and around eleven I calmed down enough to call the girl, we sat down after work, and when I left I felt a LOT better. I told her some of my "problems" i.e. time (I mean that time can come when I will be alone with Ch. and then I can't do indefinite overtime, my inexperience at some of the computer programs they use, but it seems we like each other. I also told my boss' offer for rotation and she said she will consider it, even if I do not get that particular job... It is even possible that I will not get it because of the money... because I am so good in my current job, with the sales, that my bonus is very high, and they might not be able to offer me more than I make now... so now I can lay back and ask the universe to give me whatever would be the best.

Of course anxiety means no sleep, and since P. wasn't here I could knit way into the night... I seem to caught startitis... I did a swatch for the mohair beaded shrug, and some repeats of the butterfly lace, from the cotton linen yarn. I love that pattern so much that I want to make the top version too.
Yesterday Kriszta brought some magazines she bought at the Burda shop, and I loved one of them, so after I finished work and the meeting I went to the shop. I almost gave up, the last was pretty well hidden, but I got it, and.......... and they had ROWAN yarn!!! I couldn't believe my eyes!!! Rowan cotton!!! for 520 ft/ball (less than 3 USD)... they only had it in three color, yellow (wich is NOT my color, a nondescript blue, and a peachy/melony orange...which is much more like me.

Th excitement of the day...

they approched me with a job within the bank... I mean the job was up for a while and they have an outsider candidate, but last week in the training I met this woman from HR who told them to check out me, I might be good too. So they approached me, and asked if I would be interested. It is a totally different one than I do now, with a lot more time and a lot more responsibility, it isn't one step ahead (as what I was hoping for) but at least three... I talked to my suprvisor (who said go for it), my manager who almost cried that I want to leave-I told her I do not necessary want to leave,if she can find me something that would asnwer my problems -ie working time, payment and some step ahead- I would be glad to stay, but after all she was so helpful even offered me a couplke of days in "rotation" if I could see if the job would really be good for me...
So at the moment I am scared shitless, and also proud that they thought I could do that job, and so excited I can't even think about sleeping. Beside even if I do not get that job, but the whole thing made my manager think about possibilities for me, it was worth it... yay...

BTW in the meantime I remembered what else I wanted to write about the training... one of my favourite part was... I will save that for tomorrow, but let me just remind myself... my age...

Ouch!!!!

My tonsil on the right side hurt like hell along with my ear... it is like someone inserted a knife through my right ear and went down on my tonsil... I can't swallow withouth pain and even some noises hurt... having the headset on my right ear at work can't help much either...

I got my new camera from the bank... but these pictures were done with the old one...

As for happier thoughts... knitting...
The knitting on the butterfly dress is done... here are some pictures as it was blocked:

I can't wait to sew it toogether... and wear it... but it would need a special occasion...

Oh and here is where I got with the yoga wrap:

Shoot...

there was something else I wanted to remember about the training, but something happened yesterday that made it all fly out of my head...


I was sitting on a bench down in the playground, knitting the yoga wrap (BTW here is a pic of the swatch I made for it)

Anyway, I was sitting there knitting and I just had this very strong thought of potato-patties my mom used to make, it felt like someone whispered it in my ears... I always say/think that when I knit my mom (and/or grandma) sits beside me, and this time it was my mom... I know it. When we went up made the patties, and it went so easily, like never before, like it wasn't even me who did it. I told Chris (who loves to eat those little fried things) that it was his grandma who made me do them for him, and she might even be in the room with us. But then such a sadness and crying fit came over me, I run out of the kitchen. Christopher came after me (P. of course did nothing :o((( ) asking what is wrong "I miss my mama"he, the seven year old boy, who doesn't even understand death tried to comfort me, and he -climbing up on a chair- brought me the photo-album with my mom's pictures, and he said "hmmm, let me think, how can I charm her here for you"... sat down, and made this magician movements with his hands... then run away and came back with a drawing... the kid who wouldn't draw to save his life drawn me a picture of my mom hugging me and smiling at me... that was when I really broke down. But this time I was moved of my sons sweetness... such a great kid. I know he is rather difficult most of the time, but he is so sensitive...

I am back.. again

it seems I am always going away, but it is pretty rare...Anyway I got back from the three (umm two and half???) day of training called "carrier management"... which is kind of a reward for the results of the previous year... it was really helpful. I got so many positive feedback and reinforcement... If I will get insecure again I will just get those notes out.... what notes??? I do know that it is a well known technique, but still... on the the morning after the first half day, the trainer asked that each of us choose five person who gave something positive the time we spent together, write it down to post its, and then walk around and put them on the persons file (which was left on our chairs)... I stood up thinking "OMG how will it feel not to have any notes"... and at the end I got a LOT of them, I think I was one of those who got the most notes... and they were so nice and lovely... I almost cried then, and I guess from that point they could have done anything to me there, even chop trees on my back as we say here...I do think I even found some "colleagues" (not my direct ones) who might even become friends over time. And I think my name got "caught" on a couple of the right hooks. So there might even have direct results, but if not, I would still think it was great to be there.
There wasn't much time to knit, except on the train to go there. And I made sure I do a couple of rows every night. Coming home I managed to catch a ride with somebody (who was rather happy she don't have to drive alone), and we -again- had a great talk... but I was to shy to take out my knitting in the car. Still I managed to make about three and half repeats on my yoga wrap, which is a lot considering that there is about two hundred stitches in a row...

This is crazy...

I've done my semi annual clothes change... that is taking out most of the winter stuff, putting it away, and getting the summer-stuff up from the basement (where they are stored in suitcases) and put them on the shelves and the racks...Ok, now...
"Hello, my name is Peony and I am a clothesaholic." There I said it. I rarely agree with P. on anything, but in this case I have to admit: he is right. It is simply crazy how much clothes I have. I know I do not spend as much on clothes than an average person, because I get most of my stuff second hand. Most of my summerclothes are white, and most of them is of a brand name called NEXT. I don't know what is it with that brand. They have a store and once in a while I go in. Beside being expensive (out of my price range) I rarely see something I really, really would want. BUT in all the second hand places we have around here, I constantly pick out their stuff. I am drawn to them, from racks and racks of clothes if I pick out like ten pieces to try (withouth checking the label, inevitably about six turns out to be NEXT...
Back to my wardrobe... the last time I counted I had about fifteen pair of white pants, and I wouldn't even attempt to count how many thank tops I have (most of them are racerbacks)... Just do not ask me why do I need all of them. I don't...
Today I met Dinara today four our usual friday knitting lunch... the needles only got out to show what's on them (I only had the socks with me, and she had a sleeve of a sweater on a very short addi turbo). The place was nice, though the food wasn't that special (rather blunt I thought), but these meetings are always so nice to my soul...

I had a great day...

The last couple of days were such a bliss alone with Christopher. He was a lovely helpful kids, none of the crazy, opposing for teh sake of it stuff he usually pulls when his father around...

At work, we had this training when the trainer asked me to be her assistant and at the end of it she was so liberal with her praises, that how good I was, and maybe this line would suit me... which felt nice because if I could get ahead in that line that would interest me...
They also told me that they need my English more than usual because all the others who knew English left, so now I have to translate the emails to Hungarian, and the answers back to English...
Then , also because there isn't anybody else left in speaking English, and I constantly get those calls, and i have to run around to get somebody to help me, and they arrived to the point that they might just have to train me on internetbank too...this is not the first time, but now the problem became rather serious...

And the big news, there is this monthly sales competition, in both of the offices, and I usually vin the one in the Budapest one, but behind the other place, mainly because they work in eight hours a day while I do "only"part-time, six hours, and I think it is physicly impossible to do more in a given time. But this month (I mean for april) I won the big price I was the best in BOTH offices... yay. I already pulled this one once last year, but for the above reason it is not an easy feat... but I did it I did it, I did it...
Or as I said to P. I might be only a call center girl, but I am the best one... (and the modest one too)

On the knitting front I picked up the stitches for the back of the butterfly dress, but for a reason or an other I had to rip three inches of knitting three times... Ok, I am off now and see if I can get it going...

The handknit sighting...

The handknit sighting...
On the knitting front my last week was really lucky week... I met two of my nice knitting friends and I saw two handknit items... When I met Dinara on Friday she was wearing this and it was soooo lovely, I instantly fell in love, I want WANT to have one like it too... I have to figure out what to make it from though... as I already stated here the yarn selection is very poor here. I did had a yarn stored in a corner of my mind though it has way too much acrylic it it, it is a gorgeous rusty orange color (my favourite, beside white and blue)... but Dinara said she needed almost a kg of yarn for the project, and the store (a wholesale place) only sells it in 800 gramms of packages... Now, the big question is do I get two of it and have a (highly acrylic) leftover enough for a sweater for Chris, or for about the same money I buy a 1000 gramms (two package) of merino which is thinner...

As for the weekend. It was better than expected, since the may firts thing P. acts almost normal... I haven't done much because I had a debilitating terrible headache, but all that sleeping must have been much needed. I did managed to finish the back (or the front? they are the same) of the Butterfly tunic... I whish I could finish it to next week for my three days training, but that would be a miracle...

I have't give up

Blogging... I had no time to post these last few days. I was working on the translation (which is finally finshed thank you very much). Beside work and that what time I had I spent with my son. Thankfully I managed to meet with my knitting friends both was a balm to my soul... speaking of which, I feel a tiny bit better now... No, I don't know what to do, or how to solve things, but I don't want to hide at the end of the world anymore.
Back to knitting... I forgot to mention the handknit sightings of this week.
On wednesday as I was going to meet Kriszta I saw a sweater. It was handknit. I was going down on an escalator, she was on her way up. The yarn was not a big deal, creamy white and from the look of it it had a considerable amount of acrylic in it (maybe even up to a 100%). But the knitting was lovely. Short, fitted cardi it was. High waist with cables and the upper part of some diamont lace pattern. Sleeves a bit puffy and short (ish, they reached about the middle of her upper arm)... With her romantic tiered skirt, it looked very cute, it would have worth a better yarn... which is one of my pet peeves. In this god forsaken end of the world there is so hard to get decent yarn.

I have some more to report for this week, but I am just on my way out to see my son who is with his father at his summer house by the lake Venice... be back tomorrow with the rest...

Knitting Group

We have this ever so tiny group of knitters. Actually only three of us, we've met through Ravelry, but I like both girls very much. For the last couple of weeks we couldn't manage to bring all of us toogether. Yesterday I missed Dinara terribly, but met up with Kriszta yesterday, and it was a balm to my sould. I showed her my new treasures, like my new addi needles, or my love the short bamboo stuff I did the lace edging for my dress. I didn't think knitting a beaded lace in a cafe would be a good idea (nor a snow white thank top) so I started a sock from this yarn , just to have some simple and small travel project...
Work today was a complete madhouse.

back to knitting

I've read this and hit hit me in the heart. So true, so true... so let's just get back to knitting.
For the moment I am still working on the Butterfly dress. The lace edges are done, blocked. I also did a tiny swatch for the pattern of the bodice, including trying out a way to use beads withouth having to thread them on beforehand... who knows me would also know that there is NO WAY I would thread about five hundred beads and keep slipping them back off, especially with the possibility of the yarn running out and having to put the bead on a different skein of yarn... NO WAY. So I tried a new method, I bought the thinnes available crochet hook (actually I bought about five of them in different sizes) and beads that are not the smallest one, but anbot 4 mm across. When I come to a point where a bead needs to be placed I take the bead, place it on the hook the stitch from the right needle and pull it through the hole of the bead, then put the stitch back to the left needle and knit it... Problem solved. Of course it only works with a relatively thin yarn, and not so tiny beads. I wouldn't try to pull a worsted weight yarn through a 5 mm bead for an odessa hat, if I were to make it (probably will. Someday.) But for the Zephyr yarn I use, or the Rowan kidsilk haze it works just fine. Now I have about four inch knitted from the bodice.
As for the lace edge, once I figured out what goes where it was real fun to knit. Especially with this needle. Talking about this company they are my absolute best e-bay experience. They ship so fast my head spins. They have great prices, and lovely merchandice. Great service too.

Knitting made m ethink of my mom and grandma. I actually picked up the phone to tell my mom when I figured the lace out. She died about five years ago... my grandma died about two years ago, but every time I sit doen to knit I can feel them, sitting at my sides and watching what am I doing.

I am still

feeling like a tank went over me... several times. The emotional rollercoaster over the last two weeks took it's toll. Not even roller-coaster really, because there were only low, and even lower points, and no peaks. The two big blow on saturday still making me paralyzed... I am just stunned and cannot react. I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like feeling even. I am so tired. In the evenings I either can't fell asleep, because of all those thoughts swarming in my head, or I am so tired I almost faint... but no matter which one is the case I wake up at 5-6 AM in the morning and can't go back asleep...

Learned two things

over the past few days... neither of them is knitting related...
One: I am a coward. I am terrifed of changes. As much as I wish for them, whenever they are withing my reach I back off... only once in my life I did get a little push from behind to get it over with, and the step (going off to work in the bank) turned out one of the best decisions of my life... I hope I can pass this phase now, and go on fight for what I know is best for all of us.
Second: No matter what, I am alone. Nobody will fight my fights for me. I have to do it... alone. Even when there are promises, they drawn back at the last moment... not an easy thing to learn, but maybe this is what I have to deal with in this life...

I am back...

Earlier this week I spent a couple of days in the Czhech Republic. My father is a dealer of a small aircraft Lambada
and this was the annual dealer's meeting. Longish drive, but I managed to knit some of the way. I got this far on the white thank top:













The meeting was... a bit boring, but OK. It was our first. I did translated a lot. Met some interseting people, the men:women ratio was about 15:3. so I enjoyed the attention too. It is so easy to forget how does it feel...

Also, I finally figured out the pattern for the lace edging of the Butterfly dress:

Now it goes really fast.