Saturday, November 22, 2008

Winter

This will be a terrible whining post...
Winter...Is not my time of the year. I actually get very depressed. I hate the cold, I hate the darkness. I would gladly give up Xmas and all if I wouldn't had to endure winter.
Other stuff troubling me as well. I am struggling with work, it is simply not going as it should. I keep wondering if it is my fault (probably yes, to a point, but I just don't know what to do, what else to try...) or the other party's impatience, or simply I have too many boss. I do know that I am not such an idiot as I am made to appear. Also there are changes coming and I don't know if it will be good or bad. This week I came home in tears a couple of times and on Thursday I broke out crying in the office. Fortunately there was only two colleague there to witness it, one of them is my ex boss (who wasn't really), and an other very nice lady, who tried to comfort me... afterward I was so ashamed of myself. And due to the current economic situation I can't even say to myself that if I don't feel well, I will just leave and find something else, because there will be no something else... Add to all this I can't even come home to complain, or get comfort, because PJ would...1. gloat over my un-succes...2. tell me that it is entirely my fault...3. keep referring to it for not only years, but decades...
On other fronts I keep running into walls, whatever I try I seem to fail, except for knitting.
On the home-front no changes and that is something that bothers me too... and as the days get shorter I draw back more and more, and sink into the big blue depression deeper and deeper, and it seems to get worst every year...

4 comments:

Isis said...

I think I know how you feel. I'm in a similar place. First snow came down yesterday, on top of the rest. Big hugs, keep warm !

herr_dr_nuss said...

think of warm sunny places
think of all the success you have already had
think of chris
think of your friends
you'll adjust to the new job
and when you get real frustrated, stop and do a little knitting to get you relaxed and get back to what ever is bothering you. you'll solve it quickly.
i have confidence in you!!!

p.s. send all that snow this way!!!

peony said...

Thank you Nut! I almost cried when I read your comment...

herr_dr_nuss said...

i'm still waiting for the snow!!! ;-)

hope things have gotten better!!!