Tuesday, March 23, 2010

three years

It was a friday night. It was cold and windy. Like the universe knew. Like the universe was already in mourning.
He left us.
He was the best. I used to say that he was the best of his generation, but looking more and more videos tunring up on you tube I know, no matter wha he touched it turned to gold. Silly operett? He made a great fun of it. Playing in a heart wrenching musical? He sung like noone else, he played like no one else. Shakespeare? Modern drama? It did not matter, he was great in everything.
He looked great, and he had a nice... would it be unrespectful if I tell he had a nice arse?
Sometimes I wonder... why his death hit me so hard? Who am I to mourn him so deeply? Yes I knew him. Superficially, but I did. But this is something more, which I cannot explain.
I waited Christopher to to be grown up enough so I can take him to see the "Padlás" (The attic) or the "Holbéli Csónakos" (Boatman in the moon). I waited too long...I am ever so glad that I did managed to see his last big kick, the musical about '56... I've seen him playing Romeo in his twenties (Ok, it was Tony in West side story, but it is almost the same), and I've seen him in his late forties playing father Laurent...
Listening to his songs and carefully interrogating my father who had a close encounter with a lightning one and had a look over the other side (which is a totally different story) I am convinced he knew where he is going. He new and didn't really wanted to come back. I would not be surprised if I would find out that he had a near death experience before, because boone could write/sing those songs like the "Végtelen kékség" (Endless blue) without knowing what is there. Also I think he believed in reincarnation, just what he sings in the song Még egy (One more). Or the Fényév távolság (A distance of a lightyear) if he didn't believed that there is more to life, than what we can see.
I cannot even start to imagine what it would feel to be the son of such a great man, or the daughter who wasn't even born when he died so suddenly... Who was not only the best actor ever, but also a great man. Who had the gumprion NOT to except a distinction from a party who denied the hungarians nationalities living in the neighbouring countries double citizendship.
I still think of him ever so often. I can still hear his voice in my ears... and remember.
I never cried for someone who died so much as I did when he went... It is three years today, but I still have tears in my eyes, my heart is still heavy.
Life goes on, or so they say. But life is never the same. It is like december for lennon fans. March 23. will alway be black for me. I am going to get a white rose and throw it into the river for him today.
I will miss you forever.

remembering Attila Kaszás, the greates Hungarian actor of all times.


Isis said...

I am sorry for your pain. I remember when you told me about him (while you were staying here). Hugs !

Anonymous said...

{{{hugs}}} I know how much he's meant to you.